cancer log

Today, October 30, another spot has appeared on Rich's neck, on his right side, just behind his ear like the first one 19 years ago. I'm holding fast to the Lord and to His promises, asking Him for healing and deliverance from this plague of cancer. This experience has been a furnace of purification for both of us. Rich is maintaining a cheerful, positive attitude with the expectation of healing being completed. He has been sweet and loving to me all day. Through the times of testing we've grown closer; he has learned to be kind in the midst of pain and feeling poorly; I have learned to be more positive, hopeful and dependent on the Lord--these are just a few of the changes the Lord has wrought in us during this time.

November 3, the spot behind Rich's ear turned out to be just some dried crud that looked like a growth. It is gone. The lesson: things are not what they seem. Today, I still struggled with the sight of his face swelling and being discolored. I ask the Lord for help and He gives it. How do I trust His Word and not go by sight? Which is reality?

November 4 Reading today in Luke, the passages about the storm with Jesus asleep in the boat and the disciples panicking, the woman with the issue of blood, and Jairus' daughter. In all three the natural realities were changed by faith. Jesus spoke to the storm and it ceased, the woman touched Jesus' garment and was healed, Jesus told the crowd the daughter was sleeping, not dead and He changed the reality of death to life. So in these incidents the realities of sight, of what is real in the natural are changed by faith.

November 11 Earlier this week Rich had a season of intense pain in his ear and jaw. Before that occurred, I'd been reminded by the Lord from James 1 to be joyful in times of tribulation for those times strengthen our faith and teach us endurance. That led to thoughts about how the Holy Spirit develops the fruit of the spirit in us--that is is not through a sudden change in me wrought by the Holy Spirit, but rather through a molding, cultivating process as we encounter the various circumstances of life.

November 16 The Lord continues to give scriptures about endurance--James 5: 7-11, Hebrews 12. This morning I was wondering whether He is saying that I need to endure and allow His working in my life and Rich's because healing is not going to come, that He will do a greater work in us through no healing. I saw that I am being doubleminded, I don't know what to believe. Healing, at this point, would be miraculous. I asked the Lord for wisdom so that I am not doubleminded--for Rich says the Lord is healing him. Outward appearances, sight, say otherwise. In my thoughts came the words: He is healed. I asked the Lord for His confirmation in scripture that these words were from Him, knowing that my mind has been active with many thoughts and words that did not have Him as the source. In reply came Isaiah 55:11, which says: So shall My word be which comes forth from My mouth: it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. Now will I believe?